


Feels More Like a Memory

by Daisy_Rivers



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood Friends, Established Relationship, F/M, Love, Memories, Nightmares, Reincarnation maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-04 23:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16798954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_Rivers/pseuds/Daisy_Rivers
Summary: Sometimes Usnavi has nightmares, and Vanessa wants to help him.





	Feels More Like a Memory

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about psychotherapy and, as far as I know, there is no such thing as "guided memory recovery." I have heard of "past lives regression," but I don't know if it's something that a reputable therapist would do or if it really even exists. This is fiction, and I just make stuff up.  
> This story takes place at the end of 2014 or early in 2015.

Sometimes Usnavi has dreams that he can barely remember in the morning, but they must be awful, Vanessa thinks, because he yells and thrashes around, and sometimes he cries.

“Sh,” she whispers, holding him. “It’s okay, it’s just a dream.”

“Lies,” he mumbles, or something like that.

“No, babe, no lies, it’s true. You’re dreaming. I’m right here.”

He rubs his eyes, and in the glow of the street lights, she sees tears on his face. He sniffs and pushes his hair off his forehead, then fumbles on the nightstand for a tissue.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, yeah, just … I can’t remember.”

“It’s probably better if you don’t,” she tells him. “You were upset.”

He wipes the tears off his face and then stares at the tissue. “I was _crying?”_

“Yeah.”

“Shit, I hate when that happens. I wish I could remember …”

“C’mere,” she says, pulling him down. She helps him forget.

* * * * *

They haven’t been together that long, not _really_ together. They’d dated a few times, and then she’d moved downtown and gotten a job at a fancier salon, and for all that she’d told Usnavi he could just take the A train, it wasn’t that easy with him still running the bodega and her working as many hours as she could to save up some money. They’d stayed in touch, but the dating had kind of faded out.

Then a few years later they’d met up again at Benny and Nina’s wedding. Now _that_ was a party. The whole block was there. Hell, the whole city was there. Nina had just graduated from Stanford, and Benny was running his own limo service, strictly top of the line, making good money. Nina was going to be working in accounting at some big firm downtown, so she’d be making a nice salary, and they’d decided to throw a wedding like Washington Heights had never seen. What with the champagne – a _lot_ of champagne – and the music and the general atmosphere of being crazy in love, nobody was surprised when the Best Man and the Maid of Honor left together. After that, Usnavi made Sonny take all the Thursday afternoon and evening shifts because Thursday was Vanessa’s day off, and he took the A train downtown every week. A year later, the owner of the fancy salon realized that Washington Heights was the newest trendy neighborhood, and opened another salon, putting Vanessa in charge of it. Here she was, right back where she’d started out, but making more than twice the money, and she’s already flown out of JFK a couple of times. Usnavi somehow made room in the bodega for a coffee bar, even if there are only two seats, and he makes more specialties than just _café con leche_ now. He and Vanessa live upstairs, and everything’s great, except that sometimes he has nightmares.

“How long have you had them?” she asks him one day, sitting at one of the coffee bar seats on her lunch hour from the salon.

He shrugs. “I dunno. Always, I guess. I remember my mom telling me I’d outgrow them.”

“But you didn’t”

“Evidently not.”

“And you don’t ever remember what they’re about.”

He looks away, his shoulder twitching. “Not really.”

She sips her coffee, watching him over the rim of her cup. “You remember a little, don’t you?”

His shoulder twitches again. “Maybe. It’s all – blurry, like. Maybe I don’t remember anything from the dreams. Maybe I saw it in a movie or something. Besides …”

“Besides what?”

“I don’t like it.”

“Well, that makes sense, considering it’s some sort of scary nightmare.”

“Yeah.”

She drinks some more coffee, giving him time. “You gonna tell me?”

He chews on his lip the way he always does when he’s nervous. “There’s guns, and a lot of shooting.”

“Oh.” That isn’t what she’s been expecting. As far as she knows, Usnavi has never even been near a gun.

“Like bad guys robbing the store and shooting, that kind of thing?”

He shakes his head. “No, just … there’s shooting, and it’s _loud,_ and then I wake up.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right?” He waves his hand as if to brush it away. “It’s just dreams. It’s not real. Nothing to get upset about.”

She has a feeling he’s been telling himself that for years. She finishes her coffee and goes back to the salon, wondering if she should pursue it or leave it alone.

A couple of nights later the nightmare comes back, and Usnavi’s yelling wakes her up. She can’t make out words, but he sounds upset, and then he suddenly sits bolt upright, scaring her. She grabs his shoulders, and he struggles for a minute, trying to pull away, and then he opens his eyes wide.

“Hey, babe, it’s okay, it’s okay,” she tells him.

He’s blinking, as if trying to clear his vision, and then he suddenly focuses and smiles at her. She gives a sigh of relief, and he puts his hand on her cheek. “Ah, my angel,” he says softly.

She tries not to giggle. He calls her babe or _querida_ , or sometimes if he’s feeling particularly romantic, _mi cariña_ , but _angel,_ especially in English, is a little strange.

“Nope, not an angel,” she tells him, “just me.”

He frowns. “What?”

“You just called me your angel.”

“I did?”

“Usnavi, are you awake?”

“Of course I’m awake.”

“You were dreaming again, and yelling, and then you woke up and called me your angel.”

Usnavi snickers. “I love you, _querida_ , but you’re no angel.”

She smacks his arm, but laughs. “And aren’t you glad?”

He puts his arm around her and pulls her in for a kiss. “So glad.”

* * * * *

The best thing about Benny and Nina is that even though they’ve got some money now, they haven’t forgotten where they came from. They still live in Washington Heights, maybe in a nice place in one of those fancy renovated buildings, but still in the neighborhood. They still want to see their old friends as often as possible. Vanessa invites them to dinner, telling them to come early so that can have time to hang out, but really because she wants to talk to Nina without Usnavi around. She’s worried about the nightmares.

They come in through the store and after a quick hug, Nina goes upstairs to see Vanessa while Benny helps himself to a Milky Way from the candy rack and leans on the counter to catch up with Usnavi and Sonny.

Vanessa hangs onto Nina’s hug longer than she usually would, and Nina senses something amiss.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Probably nothing,” Vanessa responds, shrugging, “but I don’t know. It’s … weird.”

“What is?”

“Usnavi has these nightmares …” Vanessa’s voice trails off.

Nina sits patiently. Vanessa’s never been good at discussing emotional subjects.

“It’s bad,” Vanessa finally murmurs, looking down at her lap where her hands are twisting together.

“Tell me,” Nina says.

So Vanessa tells her, how Usnavi says he’s always had them, but they’re scary, and how he doesn’t seem to come out of them right away even when his eyes are open. “He called me his angel, and his voice was different, like not himself, you know.”

Nina feels out of her depth here. “Does he say what they’re about?”

“He says he doesn’t remember them, but I think he remembers more than he tells me. There’s shooting in them, he says.”

“Shooting? You mean he dreams he’s being shot?”

“I don’t think so. At least, that’s not what he said. He said there’s shooting and it’s loud.” She shrugs, her hands still in her lap. “You know how he hates loud noises,” she adds, her voice low.

Nina nods. You’d think somebody born and raised in New York City wouldn’t mind noise, but Usnavi would get anxious and irritable any time they were jackhammering the street for repairs. He would never go down to the Harbor to watch the fireworks, even when Benny wanted to take all of them in a limo. “I can see them from here,” he said. “I like to look at them, but I don’t like the noise.” Vanessa had stayed with him, and they watched the fireworks from the roof, and it was fine.

“He gets scared,” she says to Nina now.

Nina understands because she knows how Usnavi is. She gets out of her chair and crosses the room to sit next to Vanessa on the couch. She puts her arm around her. “He says he’s always had these dreams?”

“Yeah.”

“So he’s always managed to cope with them, right?”

“Yeah, but before, he slept by himself, y’know? Now I’m there, and it scares me too, and I think that makes it worse for him.”

Nina nods. “I can see how that might be hard.”

Vanessa tilts her head, gives Nina a belligerent look. “You’re not gonna tell me to sleep in the other room, are you?”

“Of course not. I wish I had some advice, but that wouldn’t be it.” She smiles at her best friend. “It took long enough to get you two together.”

Vanessa snorts. “No, it didn’t. I mean, we barely made it here from your reception with all our clothes on.” She pauses. “Actually …”

_“No me diga!”_

“Well, it’s not like the driver could see …”

“You know you have to tell me now,” Nina says.

Vanessa looks up at her, grinning, her hands still now, but her cheeks bright pink. “Usnavi had my panties in his pocket before we even left the reception.”

Nina gasps, and they both collapse into giggles, clutching each other, and that’s how Usnavi and Benny find them when they come upstairs.

“What’s so funny?” Usnavi asks, smiling.

Nina and Vanessa giggle even more, and Usnavi knows they’re not going to tell. Benny perches on the arm of the couch next to Nina and whispers something in her ear. She blushes and smacks his arm. “Not now,” she tells him.

Vanessa gives Nina a look. “You’re gonna tell him later, aren’t you?”

Nina tries to say no, but can’t stop laughing, and Vanessa huffs at her, but she’s not really mad. Back when they were younger, it was always Benny who was the player, probably dated twenty girls before he finally ended up with Nina, while Usnavi just trailed Vanessa around, making heart eyes every day for years but never working up the nerve to ask her out. Vanessa’s a little bit proud that she’s got a dirty story to tell about Usnavi. They’d all underestimated him, but only Vanessa knows how much. Usnavi may not have had as much experience as Benny, but he has some real natural talent that Vanessa appreciates more than she can express. She’s done her best to let him know, though, and it’s done wonders for his self-confidence. She smiles at him now, and then her smile fades a bit as she realizes how tired he looks.

“You okay, babe?” she asks.

Usnavi pushes his hair back. “Yeah, I guess. I told Sonny to open tomorrow so I could sleep in.”

“How’d you get him to close tonight and open tomorrow?”

“I told him he owes me for working around his crazy schedule.”

Sonny’s going to college, and Usnavi lets him schedule his work hours around his classes. It turns out that Sonny’s pretty smart, and he’s studying political science so he can run for office someday.

“Who’s gonna work for you when Sonny graduates?” Benny wants to know.

Usnavi shrugs. “There’s always some kid around looking for a job. I’ll figure it out.”

Benny nods, remembering when he was the kid looking for a job and Mr. Rosario took a chance on him. He’s grateful for it every day, and Kevin’s differences with him disappeared once he realized how happy Nina was. Kevin and Camila still want them to come over for dinner every Sunday, and most of the time they make it. Family is important. “What’s for dinner?” he asks Vanessa now.

“Pot roast,” she tells him, her chin up. “I got the recipe off Pinterest.”

“Is that cause you got a non-Latino here for dinner?” Benny demands. “You can’t make me rice and beans?”

“That’s right, _cabrón,_ ” she retorts, “and you better eat my damn pot roast.”

The pot roast is good, and they talk as easily as they always have, as easily as they did when they were little kids on Abuela’s stoop, when Nina always had her nose in a book, and Vanessa and Benny would argue with each other but fight any kid who tried to bully Usnavi.

Vanessa looks across the table at Usnavi now. He’s laughing at something Benny is saying, but there are dark circles under his eyes, and she knows he’s not getting enough sleep. She asked him a few days ago if he ever tried any of that Tylenol PM stuff and he shuddered. “Once,” he said. “It made me really, really anxious.”

If there’s one thing Usnavi doesn’t need, it’s more anxiety. She wonders if she ought to try to get him to go to a doctor, but who goes to a doctor about bad dreams? A doctor might tell him he needed a psychiatrist or something, and _Jesus_ , talk about anxiety. She crosses the doctor idea off her mental list.

Nina stays in the tiny kitchen with her to clean up the dishes and Benny and Usnavi go back to sit in the living room. She hears Benny say something about putting the game on. Usnavi can barely tell a baseball from a football, but he’ll watch to keep Benny company. The nice thing about old friends is that they’re comfortable. Nina has a dishwasher in her condo, but she hasn’t forgotten how to do dishes or wipe up a counter, and they’ve done this so many times together they don’t even have to say anything. Vanessa knows Nina is thinking, though, trying to figure out something that might help with Usnavi’s nightmares. Finally she says, “I’ll talk to Benny. Maybe he remembers something about Usnavi dreaming when he was a kid. Maybe there’s something that Abuela used to do that might help.”

Vanessa nods. “Yeah, that would be good.” She remembers Abuela making different kinds of tea for them, peppermint tea for a stomach ache, lemon tea for a sore throat, and then when Vanessa and Nina got older and were bothered with cramps once a month, tea with cinnamon and ginger in it. Maybe there’s a tea that helps with bad dreams. She dries the last dish and put it away, gives a satisfied look around the little kitchen.

“It’s cute,” Nina says, practically reading her mind.

It is. Usnavi and Sonny painted the walls cream and the old cabinets green, and she found some green-and-cream striped curtains for the single window. On the back wall there’s a picture that Mrs. Rosario took one time of all the kids with Abuela. Abuela’s sitting on the stoop with Sonny on her lap. He’s just a baby, not even walking yet. Nina and Vanessa are in front of her, facing each other, doing one of those clapping rhymes. Benny’s standing next to the stoop, leaning up against the wall, grinning at the camera of course, and then there’s Usnavi, sitting next to Abuela, scrunched up as close as he can get to her. Vanessa knows it’s because Abuela always made him feel safe. It’s not really a very good picture; Sonny’s little head is hiding part of Abuela’s face, and the girls’ hands are blurry because they’re moving, but it’s the only picture she has of all of them. Mrs. Rosario had prints made for them after Abuela died, and Benny and Nina have the same picture in their condo. Nina loves it too, but Vanessa knows it’s not the same for her.

Nina has both her parents, and they really love her, love Benny too. For Vanessa and Benny and Usnavi and Sonny, that little group on the step was their only real family. Vanessa’s dad was long gone even back then, and she never knew if her mom was going to be drunk or sober when she got home from school. Benny didn’t have a dad either, and his mom was always busy. Usnavi’s parents were nice enough, and they took Sonny in when his parents split up and things got ugly between them, but they never really understood Usnavi. It was like they had shopped for a kid on Amazon, and they’d ordered one who was self-confident and good at sports and made the honor roll, but instead they got Usnavi, who was a little awkward and anxious, and who did okay in school, but got C’s in everything except math. They loved him, no doubt about it, but it was like they could never quite figure him out. That’s why Abuela was so important. Abuela thought they were all wonderful, no matter what. She was proud of Nina’s good grades, but she was just as proud of Benny’s rapping skills and Usnavi’s being able to do math in his head. When Vanessa would go home and find her mom passed out on the sofa and no food in the apartment, she could sneak back to Abuela’s after dark and Abuela would fix her some soup or scrambled eggs and let her cry if she needed to. Abuela didn’t even mind if she cursed when she was mad, just reminded her not to talk that way in school. Vanessa looks at the picture now, and her heart is full of gratitude for Abuela and for those little kids who grew up to be her best friends.

As she walks into the living room with Nina, she sees Benny put a finger to his lips. She turns and sees Usnavi asleep in the armchair, his head slumped down at an angle. Benny has turned the volume way down on the TV so Usnavi can sleep.

“Is he okay?” he whispers to Vanessa. “Is he working too much?”

Vanessa shrugs. “He always works a lot. He’s been having these dreams, though …” She looks at Nina, who sits down next to Benny and quietly tells him about them.

Benny frowns, thinking, and then he nods. “I remember,” he says. “One time when I slept over, we were about ten, he woke up with a nightmare.” He jerks his head in the direction of the kitchen, and Vanessa and Nina follow him there so they can talk without waking Usnavi.

“His neck is gonna be stiff if he stays in that position,” Vanessa says fretfully.

“We won’t let him stay that way too long,” Benny tells her.

“What do you remember about him having a nightmare when you were kids?”

Benny shakes his head. “Not a lot. We were sleeping in the same bed, and he woke up all of a sudden, sat straight up.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa says, “that’s what happens now.”

“It woke me up, and I think I said something like, ‘Yo, you okay?’ but he didn’t hear me right away.”

Vanessa nods. “Yeah, it’s the same.”

“So I put my hand on his shoulder, and that kinda made him jump, you know? And he opened his eyes, and looked at me like he was awake, but then he said, ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ and I started laughing.”

Vanessa’s eyes are fixed intently on Benny’s face. “Then what?”

Benny scratches his head for a few seconds. “Then it seemed like he actually woke up, because he looked at me like I was nuts and said, ‘Why are you laughing?’ I said, ‘You just called me _sir,_ you Froot Loop,’ or something like that.”

“What did he say?”

“I can’t remember exactly. He thought I was joking.”

“He didn’t say what the dream was about?”

“Not then.”

“But?”

“But a few minutes later, when he was trying to get back to sleep, he was tossing and turning like he couldn’t calm down. I couldn’t go back to sleep either with him doing that, and I was getting annoyed. I asked him what was the matter, and he gave me a weird answer.”

“What?”

“He said it was too loud.”

“What was too loud?”

“I don’t know. That’s all he said: ‘It’s too loud.’ Then he went to sleep.”

Vanessa looked at him, troubled. “It’s the same dream. It’s been more than fifteen years and he’s still having the same nightmare.”

“You think Sonny might know something?” Nina asks. “Maybe he remembers from when Usnavi’s parents were still alive.”

“I don’t know,” Vanessa says doubtfully. “Sonny was just a little kid when they died, eight or nine, I think. That’s why Abuela moved in with them.”

“But they shared a room,” Benny reminds her. “Maybe there’s something.”

Vanessa shrugs. “Even if he does, even if Sonny remembers Usnavi having the same dream, it doesn’t help. I don’t want to analyze it, want to make it go away.”

“Yeah, but if you can figure out what it is …” Benny hesitates. “It’s like there’s something in his mind that’s worrying him. Maybe if we knew what it was, we could do something to make him stop worrying about it.”

“Maybe. You mean it’s like something stuck in his mind?”

“Yeah, you know, like when you leave the house and you worry you left the stove on. If you could find out for sure that it was off, you could stop worrying.”

Vanessa thinks about it. “I see what you mean. Maybe if we find out who’s shooting, I can tell him the cops arrested them or something.”

Benny nods encouragingly. “Yeah, let him know that whatever it is, it’s over.”

Vanessa has a plan now. “Okay, Sonny closed tonight and he’s opening in the morning, so I’ll talk to him before I go to work tomorrow.”

“You think my parents might know about Usnavi’s dreams?” Nina asks. “Abuela used to talk to them a lot.”

“Of course! Why didn’t I think of them?” Vanessa is smiling now, relieved. She always feels better when she can focus on a solution. She’ll get to the bottom of this so Usnavi can sleep without being afraid. He’s already been through too much hard stuff.

They go back into the living room, and Benny wakes Usnavi up. Vanessa was right, his neck is stiff, so she stands behind his chair and rubs it for him, and Benny sits on the couch with Nina, making dirty jokes about massages.

“Shut up,” Vanessa tells him, giving him the finger. She kisses the back of Usnavi’s neck and he grabs her hand, grinning, and pulls her down to sit on his lap. She leans in to kiss him, and Usnavi slides his hand to the back of her head, twisting his fingers in her long hair.

The kiss gets serious and Benny’s eyebrows shoot up. He looks at Nina, who laughs. “Woo, it’s getting hot in here,” she says, pretending to fan herself with her hand.

Usnavi takes his time finishing the kiss, then finally tilts his head to look past Vanessa. “Oh, you guys still here?” he asks, all innocent.

Benny cracks up. “Fuck you! Remember when you used to be so shy around girls?”

Vanessa wiggles around to face their friends, pulling her skirt straight. Nina realizes that she’d been focused on the kissing and had no idea where Usnavi’s other hand had been. She’s going to have to ask Benny if he had noticed.

“Oh, I’m still shy around girls,” Usnavi says now.

Benny’s still grinning. “That didn’t look shy to me.”

“Right, right,” Usnavi responds. “That’s cause I’m not interested in girls. Vanessa is a woman.” He’s got his hand under her skirt again, and Nina’s eyes are wide. She can’t believe he’s doing that right in front of them.

Vanessa smacks his hand, but he knows she loves it, loves showing off. They wouldn’t act like this around anybody but Nina and Benny, but it’s fun. She leans close to Usnavi’s ear and whispers, “If you don’t move your hand, I’m gonna unzip your pants.” He bursts out laughing, and she hooks her finger in his belt.

“Yo!” Benny says. “You guys keep that up, I’m gonna need a cold shower!”

“Really?” Nina asks, interested.

Benny grins at her. “Yeah, really. We should head home.”

“Good idea,” Nina agrees, grabbing her purse. “Vanessa, call me.”

“I will,” Vanessa says over her shoulder. “Thanks for coming over.”

“Any time,” Benny responds, his hand on Nina’s ass as they go out the door.

Usnavi pulls Vanessa in for another long kiss. He is a really, really good kisser, and Vanessa is sure it’s all natural talent because, after all, he didn’t kiss that many girls before her. She melts against him and whispers, “I love you so much.”

He trails tiny kisses along her jaw and her neck. “I love you too, _querida._ ” She’s still on his lap and he grins up at her. “You know what else? I love being an inspiration for our best friends.”

That makes her laugh, and then he gets his hand up her skirt again, and they barely make it to the bedroom.

* * * * *

Vanessa had been sure that Usnavi would sleep through the night after that, but he doesn’t. It’s about two o’clock when he starts tossing and turning, mumbling words she can’t understand. She turns on the bedside light and agonizes over whether to wake him up, hesitating because maybe he’ll say something in his sleep that might give her a clue. After a few minutes, he’s becoming more agitated, and he’s saying something – something about _reading?_ That can’t be right.

She puts her hand on his shoulder, barely moves it. “Babe,” she says softly, “wake up.” She has to do it again, a little firmer, a little louder, and then suddenly he gasps and sit up. It seems like he’s staring at her, but she knows he doesn’t see her. “Ten,” he says.

“Ten _what?”_ she asks, more frustrated than she’s ever been.

“Sh!” He waves his hand, then mumbles something else that sounds like “Read out,” but none of it makes any sense. He blinks a few times, and then focuses on her face and smiles. “My darling girl,” he murmurs, reaching for her. She grasps his hand, holding tight, and suddenly, he’s very still, blinking again.

“Usnavi?” she ventures, her voice low. “Are you all right?”

He looks around, confused. “Yeah, yeah … what did …?” He slumps as if he’s tired. “I was dreaming again, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah.” She scoots closer to him and holds his hand against her cheek. “Was it the guns again? The shooting?”

He nods. “Yeah, it always is.” She hates the pain in his face.

“You were talking about reading.”

 _“Reading?”_ he repeats, astonished. “That’s really weird.” He closes his eyes, rubs his forehead. “I wasn’t dreaming about reading.”

“And you said ‘ten’.”

“Ten? Like the number?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know, babe.” He shrugs. “I don’t understand any of it.” He pulls her closer and gets his arms around her, and nuzzles her neck.

“You called me your darling girl,” she tells him.

“My darling girl?”

“Yeah.”

He snickers and kisses her neck. “Well, you are my darling girl,” he says. He runs his tongue along the edge of her ear, and she shivers.

“You never call me that,” she protests.

“Maybe I do,” he counters. “Maybe I’ll start to call you that now. Come here, my darling girl …”

It feels good, and she’s so glad that he’s not scared and shaking like he’s been before. “I’ll be your darling girl if you want,” she tells him. “I love being your girl.”

* * * * *

The next morning, she’s up early, tiptoeing around the apartment so Usnavi can sleep in. He’s got to be tired, she thinks, remembering last night after the nightmare, smiling. She gets dressed in the bathroom and slips downstairs to talk to Sonny.

Sonny makes her a coffee, light and sweet with a little bit of cinnamon, and she sits on the stool while he straightens items on the shelves. He knows there’s something on her mind, but he gives her some time.

She blows on the coffee a couple of times before she takes a sip, then stirs it with one of the wooden sticks, thinking. After a minute, she says, “Usnavi’s having trouble sleeping.”

Sonny turns around to face her, leans against the counter. “Yeah?”

She nods, and her hair falls forward. She pushes it back. “You know how Usnavi can get, like, anxious, sometimes?”

Talk about stating the obvious. “Yeah. Is he anxious about something now? Is that why he can’t sleep?” He hesitates for a minutes, then his eyes widen. “Vanessa, are you pregnant?”

“Jesus, Sonny, no! What’s the matter with you?”

Sonny waves his hands around, looking a little anxious himself. Vanessa can still intimidate him. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean …”

She tosses her hair and glares at him. “Anyway, if I was pregnant, Usnavi would be happy, not anxious.”

“Yeah?”

Her mouth twitches into a smile. “Yeah.”

“Okay, so what’s going on?”

Her smile fades. “He has these nightmares …”

Sonny stands up straight, his face changing. “Oh, shit, not that again.”

“You know about them?”

He nods. “Yeah. It used to scare me when I was little. I mean, I was maybe three or four, and Usnavi would wake up yelling about guns.” He’s quiet, his face sad, remembering. “Tía would come in and calm him down. Sometimes I’d be crying too, you know. I didn’t understand.”

Vanessa imagines what it would have been like, little Sonny scared and huddled on the futon squashed against the wall, Usnavi on the single bed. Usnavi’s mom was sweet, but Vanessa understands now it must have been hard taking in her nephew, another kid to raise, and Usnavi not exactly uncomplicated. The de la Vegas were good people. She likes to think that they’re watching from somewhere, and they’re proud of both of the boys.

“Did he ever say anything?” she asks Sonny now. “I mean anything besides yelling about guns?”

“He always said it was loud.”

“Yeah, he still says that.”

“A couple of times he asked if somebody was safe …”

“Really?” Vanessa interrupts him, alert.

“Yeah, one time he said, ‘Is he safe?’ and Tía asked him who, and then Usnavi just woke up and didn’t know what she was talking about.”

Vanessa nods. “Yeah, it’s like he’s awake but not awake? Or not talking like himself, you know?”

“Right. When I was older, like eight or nine, when Abuela was living with us, I didn’t want him to wake her up because, you know, she needed her rest, so if he started yelling, I’d wake him up as fast as I could, but sometimes I’d think he was awake but he wasn’t making sense, so I’d have to wake him up again, you know what I mean?”

“Yes! That’s exactly what happens!”

“So, anyway, this one time, it started again, with him yelling, and I jumped over onto his bed and put my hand on his arm, and man, he shot straight up and stared at me, and it was fucking scary.”

“What was?” Vanessa asks, biting her lip.

“He grabbed me with both hands, I mean like an iron grip. I had bruises for days. Then he looked right into my eyes and he said, ‘Lawrence?’”

_“Lawrence?”_

“I know. Has he ever even known anybody named Lawrence?”

Vanessa wracks her brain. “Not that I can think of.”

“Right. So I said, ‘No, it’s me.’ But he was still awake but not awake, you know, and he was still hanging onto my arms like he was gonna break them, and he shook me, hard, and he said, real serious, ‘Is Lawrence safe?’”

“What did you say?”

“Look, I was only a kid, and I was trying not to wake up Abuela, and I was also scared to death that my cousin had lost his mind, so I just said, ‘Yeah, don’t worry, he’s fine,’ thinking maybe that would calm him down.”

“And did it?”

“Yeah, it did. It was weird, like right then, he took a deep breath, and he let go of my arms, and then he woke up and looked at me all confused. I kinda patted him on the back, and I said, ‘You had a bad dream.’ I think he was embarrassed, because he said, ‘I’m sorry, Sonny, did I scare you?’ I said, ‘Yeah, a little bit,’ and he gave me a hug and promised to buy me a piragua the next day.”

Vanessa is silent, frowning, thinking. Then she says, “Benny thinks maybe his mind is stuck on something.”

“Worried about something, you mean?”

“Yeah, but maybe something from a long time ago that he can’t even remember when he’s awake, you know? I mean, we can’t remember anybody named Lawrence, but maybe it was a friend of his dad’s or something, maybe he got hurt sometime and Usnavi didn’t understand what was going on, and so it got stuck in his brain.”

Sonny is doubtful. “And you think he’d still be having dreams about it more than twenty years later?”

“I don’t _know,_ Sonny, but I can’t think of anything else …” Vanessa is near tears, and Vanessa _never_ cries.

Sonny gets her another cup of coffee, extra cinnamon. She takes a gulp and sniffs, grabs a napkin out of the dispenser to wipe her nose. “Nina is gonna talk to Kevin and Camila, see if they remember Abuela or Usnavi’s parents saying anything. Maybe if we get enough pieces … I don’t know, none of it makes any sense. Last night he was talking about reading.”

“Reading? What the hell? Are you sure? Because it’s always been guns and loud noises, and that doesn’t go with reading.”

“I’m not positive, but it sure sounded like he was saying ‘read out’.”

“Read out?” Sonny frowns. “That’s not even a thing.”

“I know.” Vanessa’s face is hidden by her coffee mug, but her voice is small.

It makes Sonny feel bad. “Listen,” he says, “I sort of have an idea.”

* * * * *

“Hypnotize him?” Nina practically shrieks. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“No, listen,” Vanessa says. “It’s somebody Sonny knows from his psychology class. She’s an actual therapist, not some guy that makes you cluck like a chicken or any of that shit.” She told Usnavi she had a late client, but she’s at Nina and Benny’s. She never lies to him, and now she’s feeling guilty and miserable, sitting there twisting her hands again.

Benny gets up and walks to the window, stares out at the street. After a minute, he turns around. “Maybe it’s a good idea.”

“Benny!” Nina is shocked.

He shrugs. “None of us can think of anything else. We’ve asked everybody we know if they know anything, and they don’t.”

“My mom said Abuela used to make him chamomile tea,” Nina reminds him. She turns to Vanessa. “Did you try it?”

“Yeah, every night for the last two weeks.”

“It didn’t help?”

“No. At least it didn’t make anything worse.” That’s a small comfort, with Usnavi still suffering the nightmares at least once a week.

“Seriously, though, Vanessa,” Nina says, “can you imagine Usnavi agreeing to see a hypnotist? He’ll have an anxiety attack the minute you bring it up.”

“I know.” Vanessa’s about to cry again, and Nina signals Benny to leave to room. He does, thankfully, and gives them half an hour before he comes back with an idea. “What if we don’t tell him?”

Benny’s idea is simple, really, but it will depend on whether or not the therapist will agree to it. If she does, they’ll pretend she’s a friend of Nina’s or something, and they’ll invite her to dinner along with Vanessa, Usnavi, and Sonny. Then she’ll have a conversation with Usnavi and sort of sneak in the hypnosis.

Nina’s eyebrows are practically at her hairline. “Really, Benny? She’ll just sneak in the hypnosis? Like Usnavi won’t notice her saying ‘You’re getting sleepy, very, very sleepy’?”

“Maybe she doesn’t even have to say that,” Benny says defensively. “I don’t know how hypnosis works.”

“I think it’s worth a try,” Vanessa says unexpectedly. “I’m at least gonna get her name from Sonny and go talk to her.”

* * * * *

Dr. Schuyler is younger than Vanessa expects, and kind and very beautiful, with warm brown skin and her hair swept sleekly into a flawless French twist. Vanessa knows just how hard that is to achieve, and gives the doctor silent mad props for it. She has paid for a one-hour session with money from the box in the bottom of her closet, her emergency stash. Usnavi knows it’s there, but he never touches it or asks her how much she has. One of the reasons she loves him so much is that he respects her independence. She explains all that to Dr. Schuyler, pours her heart out for twenty minutes, barely taking a breath. Dr. Schuyler looks at her intently through it all, nodding occasionally, but she doesn’t interrupt.

Vanessa finishes with, “And I just want him to be able to sleep.”

Dr. Schuyler waits for a minute to be sure she’s done, then says, “So you’d like me to use hypnosis to help your boyfriend understand these nightmares, with the goal of ending the nightmares?”

Vanessa nods, happy that she understands. “Yes.”

“But you don’t want him to know that I’m a hypnotherapist because he would be anxious?”

“He’d lose his mind,” Vanessa tells her frankly.

Dr. Schuyler considers it, tapping her pencil on her desk. “Tell me more about these dreams.”

Vanessa tells her everything she knows, about how it’s always loud because there’s shooting, how he called her his angel and his darling girl, how he asked about somebody named Lawrence that none of them had ever heard of, said random things like _ten_ and _read out_ , even about his calling Benny _sir_ one time. As she says it all out loud, she realizes how insane it sounds and begins to be afraid that Dr. Schuyler will think she’s some crazy person making it all up. She doesn’t, though.

“You may well be right that there’s some traumatic event in his past that is triggering these nightmares,” she tells Vanessa. “In a sense, it could be a form of PTSD.”

Vanessa goes pale, and her throat gets tight. She’s gripping the arms of her chair to keep her hands from shaking.

Dr. Schuyler sighs. “You don’t think he’d consent to even one or two sessions with a therapist?”

“I know he wouldn’t,” Vanessa responds. “He’s always been anxious, and kind of … I don’t know the right word, but like, worried that something bad might happen.”

“Apprehensive?”

“Yeah. But he had bad things happen to him. Both his parents died in the same week when he was seventeen.”

“Is that when the anxiety started?”

Vanessa wishes she could say yes, but she’s known Usnavi all her life. She shakes her head. “No, he was anxious before that. He had the nightmares before that, too.”

Dr. Schuyler is thinking. “So while the loss of his parents may have made it worse, that’s not what started it.”

“No.”

Dr. Schuyler types some things into her laptop, reads, then types some more things, then turns back to Vanessa. “I would like very much to see Usnavi as a client, because I think I could help him, but I understand that your suggesting that might actually make things worse.”

Vanessa nods, glad that she understands and that she’s not taking it personally.

“Your suggestion about my meeting him at your friends’ house without my revealing that I’m a therapist – I can’t ethically go along with that.”

Vanessa’s face falls. She had really been hoping …

“There might still be a way,” Dr. Schuyler says.

* * * * *

“So, you got a girlfriend?” Usnavi says to Sonny between the lunch-hour rush and the after-work rush.

“No,” Sonny mutters, studying the rack of chips intently. “She’s just a friend.”

“Uh-huh.”

Sonny turns around and glares at him. “She’s really nice.”

Usnavi grins. “Cool, cool. What’s her name?”

“Angie.” Sonny looks down at his feet. He knows this is going to be hard to pull off, but he promised Vanessa. “She’s a little older than me.”

“Yeah?” Usnavi’s eyebrows go up. “Well, you always had a thing for older women. I remember you were in love with your babysitter back in the day.”

Sonny laughs. “I got over that, but yeah, older women are interesting. She’s out of school, has a job, you know, has more things to talk about.”

“A job? What does she do?”

“She’s a counselor.” They had all agreed on that. It’s technically correct, and if Usnavi takes it to mean she works in a school so much the better. He’s about to ask Sonny another question when three giggling kids come in waving money in the air. Usnavi doesn’t have to know that their mom is getting her hair cut and Vanessa just gave them each five dollars for candy. They get busy after that with people coming in after work, and he forgets to ask Sonny any more questions about the older woman.

“It’s just dinner,” Nina says to Vanessa, but loud enough so Usnavi can hear. “We don’t want Sonny to be all self-conscious about this girl.”

Usnavi knows a thing or two about self-conscious. He smiles, promising himself that he won’t do anything to call attention to Sonny’s new relationship or whatever it is.

“She’s just a friend,” Sonny says to him later, playing his role well. “I hope Nina doesn’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Nah, she won’t,” Usnavi says. “If she starts to ask too many questions or anything, I’ll interrupt so you guys can relax.”

“Thanks,” Sonny responds, grateful for Usnavi’s essential kindness that will allow him to put aside his own shyness to protect someone he loves. _I’m lucky,_ Sonny thinks now. _My life could have been way different, with my mom and dad both so fucked up, and then Tía and Tío dying, but Abuela took care of us, and Usnavi will be my cousin forever. I owe him a lot. I hope this works. I hope we can help him._

* * * * *

Nina doesn’t make anything fancy for dinner, just meatloaf, because who doesn’t like meatloaf, with mashed potatoes and salad. Vanessa is bringing brownies for dessert. Vanessa texts about every ten minutes all day because she’s so afraid it will all go wrong and make everything worse. Angie’s been helpful, though – she said to call her Angie. “If I don’t think I can do it, I won’t,” she tells Vanessa. “I still think it would be better for him to see a therapist in the regular way, but I understand why you don’t feel you can suggest that.” She smiles. “Usnavi’s lucky to have people who care about him so much.”

Usnavi blinks when Sonny and Angie come in. Sonny did say she was older, but she must be – damn, thirty? He shoots a glance at Sonny, who’s not looking directly at anybody, and whose face is a little red. Then he looks back at Angie, who is, he has to admit, a stunner. She’s dressed as casually as the rest of them are, jeans and a kind of fluffy pink top. She seems nice, asking Nina if there’s something she can do to help. Nina says no, everything’s ready, so they sit down to dinner.

When the girls are talking about Pinterest, Benny nudges Usnavi with his elbow, nods at Angie. “You think Sonny’s ready for that?”

Sonny pretends he doesn’t hear him, concentrates on his meatloaf.

“Shut up,” Usnavi says to Benny. “Sonny’s smart. He’ll figure it out.”

Benny rolls his eyes, and Usnavi resolves to be extra nice to both Sonny and Angie, even if he might have to have a talk with Sonny later.

Nina asks Angie what kind of counseling she does, and she says she’s working on something called guided memory recovery.

“What’s that?” Benny asks.

“Well, let’s say you misplace something, like maybe your phone. You know you had it with you at some point, and then you went to a lot of different places and you were really busy, so when you realize your phone is missing, you have no idea where you left it.”

“And you can help with that?”

Angie nods. “Yeah, it’s sort of directed remembering, where I talk you back through the hours when you might have misplaced the phone, and hopefully, you remember where it is.”

“You think maybe that would help Benny remember to take out the garbage?” Nina inquires with a sideways look at her husband.

“I think that’s a different kind of forgetting,” Angie says, smiling.

“What if it was something from a long time ago, not just a few hours or a day?” Vanessa asks.

“It can still work,” Angie responds. “It’s been used to help witnesses remember details of crimes from their childhood or to help people recall a traumatic experience to help treat PTSD.”

Usnavi sits up straight, paying attention. “Really? And it works?”

Angie hesitates for a moment before answering. “It _can_ work. There are no guarantees. Sometimes things really are forgotten and there’s no retrieving them, but often, we kind of put memories in storage, and we can get them back out.”

Usnavi looks at Vanessa, who’s next to him on the couch. She seems really interested. She leans toward Angie. “Can you show us how it works?”

Angie looks around the group, a little embarrassed. “I guess so, if you want. Any volunteers?”

Benny and Nina both have stories planned, but Usnavi surprises them all, including himself. “Me,” he says, raising his hand as if he were in school.

“Thanks,” Angie says, smiling at him. “What do you want to remember?”

Usnavi shifts in his seat awkwardly. “I’m from New York.” He stops, and then goes on resolutely. “I’m from New York, but loud noises really bother me. Crazy, huh?”

“No, not crazy at all,” Angie assures him. “When you say loud noises bother you, do you mean they scare you?”

Vanessa takes his hand and squeezes it. He smiles at her, and then he says. “I don’t know if it’s so much scared as I just want them to stop. When they do stop, I feel better.”

“So more like anxiety than fear?”

Usnavi thinks about it. “Yeah.”

“What are some of the noises that bother you?” Angie asks.

“Fireworks, sometimes planes. Jackhammers are the _worst,_ though.” There are jackhammers in use daily in New York City.

“Can you tell me the last time you heard a jackhammer or something like it?”

“It was day before yesterday. They were tearing up 182nd street, and you could hear it for blocks, right, Sonny?”

“Right,” Sonny confirms, but Angie says, “I just need to know what you remember, Usnavi.”

“Okay, sure,” Usnavi agrees. He shifts in his seat, but he’s still holding Vanessa’s hand.

Angie smiles at Usnavi. “And the last time before then that you heard the noise?”

“Are we gonna go back through every time I heard a jackhammer for the last twenty-five years?” Usnavi asks doubtfully.

“As many as we can,” Angie tells him.

And they do. It’s surprising how many specific incidents he can recall, and they’re often tied to some other memory. When he was fourteen, he was listening to his favorite song on the radio when a jackhammer drowned it out. When he was ten, Benny wanted him to come play in the park, but they were working on the road by the swings, so he stayed home. There were jackhammers going on his first day of kindergarten, and he held his mom’s hand all the way to school.

All of them remember the same things that Usnavi remembers because they shared the same childhood, but it didn’t affect them like it did him. Benny can remember the road repairs happening on the first day of kindergarten, but he thought it was cool to watch the workmen. They all stay silent, though, listening to Angie take Usnavi back through the years.

“… and I must have been really little, because I think I was still in a crib,” Usnavi is saying. “I remember the bars, and I had a stuffed animal, a puppy, I think, that I held onto real tight.” He closes his eyes, trying to see it.

“And do you remember a time before that?” Angie continues, her voice gentle.

Usnavi nods, his eyes still closed. “Yes,” he says.

“What was happening then?” Angie asks.

Usnavi sits up straighter, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “The bombardment,” he replies.

There’s a moment of stunned silence, and Angie looks at Vanessa questioningly. Vanessa shrugs. She has no idea what Usnavi is talking about. Angie swallows hard. “Tell me about the bombardment,” she says to Usnavi.

“It went on all night,” Usnavi responds. It’s his voice, but it sounds different. “We have fourteen guns.”

Guns. Vanessa’s eyes are wide, almost panicky. She looks at Nina, but Nina puts a finger over her lips. _Let him talk,_ she mouths.

“What kind of guns?” Angie asks.

“Three twenty-four pounders, three eighteen pounders, two howitzers and six mortars. The General fired the first one. We fired all night so they couldn’t get out to make repairs.”

“Repairs on what?”

“On the redoubts.”

The redoubts. Read-outs. Vanessa has no idea what a redoubt is, but that was what he had been saying. Sonny comes to stand behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder.

“We’ve hit some of their ships, too,” Usnavi is saying now, “but the French have done most of that.”

“The French?”

“DeGrasse’s men,” Usnavi says as if it were obvious. “You remember them.”

“Oh, yes,” Angie agrees. She needs to keep him talking. “What else?”

“The General chose tonight because there will be no moon, and we are forbidden to load our muskets. It will be a silent charge in the dark. Bayonets only.”

Vanessa is shaking, and Nina moves to sit on her other side, holds her hand. Benny leans forward, hands clasped between his knees, listening to Usnavi tell the story in his voice that isn’t really his voice.

“I’ve been given the command,” Usnavi continues. “I will send Laurens to the back of the redoubt to stop any who try to escape.” He hesitates for a moment. “I’m sure he will acquit himself well. He loves nothing so well as a fight.”

So that’s who Lawrence was, and that’s why he wanted to know if Lawrence was safe. He sent him into a fight. It still makes no sense because whatever Usnavi is talking about, it wasn’t anything he’d really experienced. Yet he’s talking as if he’d lived through this himself, using words he’d never used before.

“My men and I will charge redoubt ten, and the French will take redoubt nine. I will do all I honorably can to return safely to you, my darling girl,” Usnavi says now, his voice softer. Vanessa wants more than anything to throw her arms around him and comfort him, but she understands that somehow he has gotten back to the source of his nightmares. Somehow they would have to convince him that the battle was won, that Laurens was safe, that the charge on the redoubt – whatever the hell a redoubt was – had succeeded.

Usnavi’s face is pale and serious, and there is sweat on his forehead. Vanessa looks imploringly at Angie, but all Angie can do now is let him talk his way through it. It sounds like he’s giving orders: “Use your axes – out of range – rush on, boys! Grenade! Now, breach the wall!” He’s breathing hard, and then he’s silent for a few seconds. “Laurens?” he calls, his voice tense.

“Right here!” Sonny responds, startling them all, but they see the relief in Usnavi’s face.

“You are unhurt, my dear Laurens?” Usnavi asks.

“I’m fine.”

“How many did you capture?”

“About thirty, I think,” Sonny responds, just making it up.

“Well done!” Usnavi is smiling. He takes a deep breath. Benny gets up from his chair and crosses to stand in front of him. He looks at Sonny over Usnavi’s head, and somehow Sonny understands what he’s doing and nods.

“We took the redoubt,” Sonny declares, still not knowing what a redoubt is. “We took redoubt ten, and the French took redoubt nine.”

“They’ve succeeded as well?”

It’s Benny who answers this time. “They have.”

“General! What of the fleet?”

Benny looks around in panic for a second, then improvises, “Everything has gone as we wanted it to. The battle is over, and we won.”

“Victory!” Usnavi declares. “What a sweet word is victory. General, it would be my honor to help arrange the terms of surrender …”

“Yes, and you will do that,” Benny tells him, “but not until morning. Tonight we will all rest well.”

“Yes, sir. With your permission, sir, Colonel Laurens and I will retire to our tent.”

“Of course. Good night.”

Vanessa feels Usnavi’s hand twitch as though he’s writing. “My dearest angel,” he murmurs, “I will soon see you …” his voice fades away, and he puts his head down on Vanessa’s shoulder and sleeps.

* * * * *

Two weeks later, they are all together again, crammed into Usnavi and Vanessa’s living room.

“How have you been sleeping?” Angie asks Usnavi.

He’s sitting on the arm of Vanessa’s chair, holding her hand, and he looks down at her with a smile, then responds. “Like a baby. No nightmares. I wake up in the morning feeling great.”

Vanessa is beaming. “It’s so great not to have to worry about him being scared.”

“Two weeks isn’t really very long,” Angie cautions.

“I know,” Vanessa tells her, “but everything seems different somehow. Usnavi’s not as anxious about things.” She looks up at him and he shrugs.

“I can’t say I understand it, but thank you, Angie,” he says.

“What do you think happened?” Nina asks.

Angie shakes her head. “I don’t know. The guided memory techniques I work with have never produced anything like that before. I have to say, it was unsettling.” She stops for a minute, then goes on a little reluctantly. “There are practitioners who do what’s called ‘past-lives regression’ that supposedly takes a person back into previous lives, but I’ve never done it, and I don’t think I believe in it.”

“You mean reincarnation,” Benny says.

Angie nods. “Yes, but as I said, I don’t believe in it.”

“Then what was it?”

“I don’t know.”

“I do,” Sonny announces. He and Usnavi have talked, and after clearing up that Angie was definitely _not_ his girlfriend, he asked Usnavi if he wanted him to do some research and see what he could find. Usnavi told him yes, that he definitely wanted to understand what he had experienced. Vanessa had been a little apprehensive, but she had agreed in the end, and Sonny had spent hours on the internet cross-referencing the bits of information that they had.

“Tell us, Sonny,” Nina says.

“It was the Battle of Yorktown.”

Vanessa tries to take her mind back to high school history class, but Benny is there first. “The Revolutionary War.”

“Right,” Sonny tells him. “All the details fit – the nighttime attacks on redoubts nine and ten, the French firing on the British ships, even it being the dark of the moon.”

“It’s fucking crazy,” Usnavi comments, but not like he’s upset, more like he thinks it’s cool.

“There was a Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens who was ordered to capture the British soldiers who tried to escape from the back of redoubt ten.”

“Who ordered him to do that?” Nina asks.

Sonny grins. “Major General Alexander Hamilton.”

“The guy on the ten-dollar bill?”

“Right. John Laurens was his closest friend,” Usnavi offers. “No wonder I was worried about him.”

Angie bites her lip uneasily. “I don’t know that you can assume …”

“Oh, I know,” Usnavi grins. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to go around telling everybody I was Alexander Hamilton in another life. That would be insane.”

“But what do you think, really?” Benny asks.

Usnavi shrugs. “Who knows? I just know I feel a million times better and my nightmares are gone. I’ve got Vanessa, and we’ve got the best friends in the world. I can’t tell you guys how much I appreciate you wanting to help me. Maybe way back when, my name was Alexander and I fought in the Revolutionary War and ended up on the ten-dollar bill, or maybe it was just a story that helped me get all the scary dreams out of my brain. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, there’s more important stuff to think about.”

Nina looks at Vanessa suspiciously. “Like what?”

Vanessa is blushing. “We have something to tell you guys.”

Usnavi lets go of her hand so she can hold it up and show them the ring. Nina shrieks and hugs her, and Benny slaps Usnavi on the back and says he’d better be the best man, not that there’s any question, and Usnavi goes into the kitchen to get the champagne out of the refrigerator. He knows how to get the cork out now, and he pours it for all of them, and everybody’s talking at once, laughing and making plans, and then Sonny says, “You know, I saw a thing on TV the other day that there’s gonna be a Broadway show about Alexander Hamilton.”

Usnavi laughs. “That sounds terrible.” He drinks his champagne.

**Author's Note:**

> In "Hamilton," we're told that during the Battle of Yorktown, "Laurens is in South Carolina." He wasn't, that's just Lin's way of getting him to South Carolina for the "Laurens Interlude" *sob*. Laurens helped Hamilton take Redoubt 10 at Yorktown. My Yorktown facts here are mostly correct.  
> In 2012 Anthony Ramos played Sonny in a production of "In the Heights," (Pioneer Theatre Company) so I felt it was okay to make Sonny the stand-in for John Laurens. Fun fact: Joseph Morales, who now plays Hamilton in the Philip Tour, was Usnavi in the same production.  
> Hamilton at various times addressed Eliza as "my angel," "my charmer," and "my darling girl." The guy had a way with words.  
> This story was just a fun way for me to entangle two of my favorite shows. I hope you enjoy reading it.


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